Dear Lady Gamer

by Tonya Foust

Dear Lady Gamer,

I constantly hear from my male gamer friends that they don't know where to meet single lady gamers. Unfortunately, most of the lady gamers I know are, in fact taken. What would you recommend for gamers who want to meet other gamers?


Dear Matchmaker,

I’d tell them to get a life! But seriously, I think that two of the best places to meet people are conventions and game stores.

Do a web search on local science fiction and gaming conventions and see if any of the hits you get are conducive to your schedule. Some of the ones that I know of (based mostly near the Midwest) are Origins International Games Expo, Gen Con (both Indianapolis and Southern California), WindyCon, Capricon, Duckon and Rock-Con to name a few.

Also, check out your local games stores. See if they have or are willing to start a local game night where people gather to play the “game-du-joir.” It’s a great way to meet people.

But the most important thing to remember is to take your time. Just because you met someone that you think is totally hot and just right for you, doesn’t mean they feel the same way. Take your time in getting to know people. You’ll be all the happier for it.

Dear Lady Gamer,

Our gaming group has a good gender balance, which we're quite happy with. But two of the lady gamers are constantly competing to be the center of attention, and it detracts from the actual gaming. How can we tone down the competitiveness without offending our lady gamers?

--Politically Correct

Dear Politically Correct,

You letter doesn’t state whether the offending players know that they are causing a disruption.

If they don't know it, then one day, either before or after the game session, have the GM politely pull them aside – together so they do not think you are ganging up on them – and let them know what they are doing that is causing the disturbance in the group. It is my experience that once made aware of an issue, it generally ceases.

If they are aware of their actions, then again, have the GM take them aside and let them know that they are disrupting the group and, basically give them a warning. Then perhaps the GM can devise a way for them to resolve their competitiveness in game. Throw a competition where they get a prize for winning but with the understanding that the attention obtained for the competition is it for the night.

Unfortunately, the GM is the one who will take the brunt of the responsibility. I feel that this is easier on the group because that person has taken the responsibility for the group. Now in most cases, game groups switch GMs every few sessions or campaigns or whatever. This would be a good way to prevent a single person from having to be the “task-master” in uncomfortable situations.

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