Through a character's eyes

by Debbie Ginsberg

The Love Side of the Force

So I'm not even 2/3s done with this stupid KotOR II game, but Atton is already driving me up a wall! OK, not as much as the X-Box itself, which continually finds new, yet not very interesting, ways to crash. Still, Atton and I, we bonded so well at first. Where did it all go wrong?

From the very beginning, we got on like a house on fire. Well, maybe more like a Wookie on fire. But he certainly had an appreciation for a fine feminine specimen like me. Not that I had much choice to hide my specimenity, since I started the game in only my underwear. But he had the decency to express disappointment when I was finally able to find some clothes.

And, for a while, things went pretty good. I did all kinds of great things for him. I not only listened to his little sob story (which of course involved some other girl), I turned him into a Jedi! Now he's a scoundrel who can pick locks with his mind. You'd think he'd appreciate all my efforts. He seemed happy enough at the time, all glowy with inner blue light.

But since then, nothing. I dressed up in the pretty Leia outfit for him and danced, and he merely stared blank-faced. OK, the dance sucked so bad it put a Hutt to sleep, but that's not my fault. I'm a Jedi, not a ballerina. And I lost game after game of Pazak to him. Well, not deliberately, but you think he'd gloat or something. Nothing.

Well, pretty much nothing. Apparently, he's been talking about me behind my back, but since all that happens in cut scenes, I'm not supposed to know about it. And none of the others in this way-too-crowded spaceship are spilling the beans. Not even the droids. Remind me to wipe their memory cores.

I guess I could move on, but in my present company, what other choice for love do I have?

The droids? No. Not that kind of girl.

Kreia, of course, is right out. Old woman annoys the hell out of me. Every time I'm nice to someone else, she gets all huffy, like she's jealous or Republican or something. Also, Kreia, we need to talk about your hairstyle. Remind me to show you the latest article form Coruscant Cosmo: Braids after 65: Is it Time to Change Your Look?

Bao-Dur. While I appreciate the way the Iridonian shows me complete respect and obedience, his silence is a bit trying. This may be a sign of a boring personality, or maybe another X-Box bug. Either way, those head bumps, while useful in battle, are a little off-putting. They might get ... in the way.

Mira's pretty cute but she's completely het. And has a thing for Wookies I really don't want any part of.

The Mandalorian never takes off that battle suit. Ew, much.

Visas Marr is hot and all but I already did the whole xynophilic lesbian thing back in my last incarnation. It was fun (albeit accidental – pissing off a Cathar by saying maybe we should just be friends seemed foolhardy) but now it's old. Also, she has this whole Master/slave thing going on and her Master already wants me pretty dead. No need to antagonize him further.

That leaves the Disciple. He's always got something nice to say about my eyes. And he's very cute. On the other hand, he's really young. It's kind of too Anikin Skywalker for me. Also, what kind of name is "Disciple"? I don't really want to be Mrs. Disciple, thanks. And the wedding night would be ... odd; "Oh, Disciple! Yes, Disciple, yes!"

Um, no.

So that pretty much leaves you, Atton. And, in any case, you and I seem to be a good match. We even share a literary theme, in so far as this game can be said to have literary themes – the whole lost person falls as far as possible then crawls his or her way back up to the light, that theme. We've both done that. OK, for that matter, so has the whole party. But still, just think about it.

I'm nearly done with this game so you'd better have something more interesting to talk about than Pazak soon. Maybe the hint book has an idea. Wait, it says the third time I play through, you’ll talk? You think I'm going to wait until I've gone through this whole mess at least twice? Argh!

It's enough to turn any girl to the dark side.

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